BLOG #4- Divorce

I have read quite a few of the other blogs on divorce and it is ironic because many people who chose to write their blogs about divorce come from divorced parents.  I was debating on what topic from the course I would choose to write my final blog on because my parents are still married…happily married. I still think however even though my parents are still together that my opinions on divorce as well as input on a happy marriage can make for an interesting blog.

I agree with some of my fellow students in that divorce can be a good thing if a marriage is causing dysfunction and fighting in the family. There are some examples even with some of my friends who say that growing up all they remember was arguing and fighting and sometimes even physical abuse. I believe that this can take a toll on the children in the family and divorcing in this example is appropriate. I also believe that some people get married too young and perhaps over time they change into two different people who are no longer happy so perhaps divorce then is appropriate.  

I also believe that way too many people get divorced too soon. My mom and dad for example have been married for 28 years they have been together for 33 years. I have seen them go through ups and downs in their marriage but they didn’t just give up. They worked hard at keeping the family together and they worked hard at compromising with each other. I find today many people give up too easily.

I have also seen struggles people go through to pay the other person off after they get divorced.  A close friend of mine got divorced and his wife was concerned with money. Her focus wasn’t on their child and how to make the family work still, she was concerned with how much money he made and how much money he is going to owe her. I feel like examples such as this are reasons why people are choosing not to get married at all. This real life example of a friend of mine reminded me of Erera’s study from the course. How many men feel a sense of powerlessness regarding their status, child support, and where they stand in the courts.  My friend was a hard-working man who owned his own house and provided for his son. He was going through so much drama with his ex and so much stress in the courts about custody.

I find more focus needs to be on children when it comes to divorce. Even reading some of the other blogs it is clear that for the most part when parents divorce it has a long term effect on the children. Whether there is hatred for the one parent, or not having a proper mother or father figure growing up. Or perhaps the truth about the divorce is hidden from the children until they are older. I believe keeping the children involved in the process of divorce and making sure that the children aren’t used is crucial for how divorce will affect them later on in life. 

BLOG #3- Children and Adoption

In our unit on adoption I found it interesting when Dubinsky critiques two of the dominant narratives that have characterized debates about transnational adoption. One she describes adoption as a "rescue" of a needy child, or two as a "kidnap" of a child by those who are more powerful and have the means to coerce children from their families. 

She argues that we should understand adoption first and foremost as a reproductive technology.

Adoption is a common thing in my family and with many of my friends. So first I have to say that I don’t necessarily agree with Dubinsky. I think that adoption is such a detailed topic that can be discussed that it all depends on the circumstance.

I often read in my other classes about the amount of children in foster care and in orphanages. Many children who are without families all over the world, even here in Canada! I don’t agree that adoption as “first and foremost” as a reproductive technology per-se. There are many families that can still have children that choose adoption to extend their love and support out to those children less fortunate. I wouldn’t refer to it as a “rescue.”

I also know personally how adoption is the only way to have a family when a couple is infertile. My cousin tried everything to get pregnant and she just couldn’t. I few years back her and her husband decided to adopt. The process was very detailed and took a very long time. The two boys were moved around a lot as babies from different foster parents. Their biological mother was too unstable to take care of them. My cousin and her husband have a wonderful life for these boys. They are doing well in school, they are in sports and ever since being brought to their new home they have called my cousin Mom. I find this so touching knowing that not only do these boys have a future with a family, they themselves have helped my cousin have a family J

A close friend of mine just met her half-sister. Years ago her mother had a child at the age of 16 and was too young to take care of her so she put her up for adoption. Her sister searched for her biological mother and recently both families met. Her adoptive parents also were infertile at the time and she was the best thing that ever happened to them. Now years later the sisters are close and the two families have come together during the birthdays and holidays.

When the article talks about Madonna and refers it as a "kidnap" of a child by those who are more powerful and have the means to coerce children from their families. Again I feel that it depends on the circumstance. Sometimes adoption can confuse children’s identity when taken away from their own cultures and traditions.  I believe that if a child is abandoned and not being taken care of then adoption from people from more well off countries is ok. However, I don’t think that a child should be ripped away from their families by the choice of people with higher power. 

BLOG #2-Family Traditions

One of the things we read in the beginning of the course is what makes a family. My previous post focused more on who makes a family. This post I want to focus on specific things such as traditions and family heirlooms that shape the family.

Ever since I can remember my family has always been musical. My dad plays many intruments my brother loves music and my mother and I sing. One family tradition we have is called "Fam-Jams." A Fam-Jam in our family is a night when we all get together and rock out in our basement. We invite other family members over, we invite friends. It's an oppourtunity to visit and to share music.

I remember growing up we would sing at family holidays or parties using a small karaoke machine. About 9 years ago or so my Dad quit smoking cigarettes. One of his motivations to stop buying packs of smokes was to invest in musical equipment for our "little studio"  in our basement. All the money he would have used for cigarettes for a year he used and purchased mics, amps, a keyboard, a guitar and a mixer. This is when the "Fam-Jams" started in full force.

We started messing around with the equipment my Dad mainly on guitar and keyboard and we were able to write a few songs together. For special occations such as our family Canada Day party or Christmas party, there is a group of us who get together to preform a couple sets for our family. This has become a tradition for a few years now. Our "fam-jams" reminds me of the stories my Mom used to tell me about when her family got together in Scotland and had what they called "Sing-Songs." Taking turns in one big room with the family singing acapella old Scottish songs.

Our family isn't big on family heirlooms, however one piece of jewelery is very important to me. My grandma passed on her 100 year old scottish gold ring that was given to her by my grandfather. She gave it to my mom and dad to use for their engagment ring. My mom gave it to me a few years ago when my grandma died. This piece to me sybolized love in our family. I never got a chance to meet my grandfather he died when my mom was 13. Although he died young he loved my grandma and was a hardworker for the family. Passing it on to my mom and dad was goodluck because they have been together for 30 years and still happily married. I want to keep this gold ring in the family and pass it down to my kids one day.

BLOG #1

I have to start off by asking my fellow friends and classmates to please take some time to read through my blogs and reply or comment. Unfortunately for the first 8 weeks of class I was very sick so I am now just getting my blog 1 and 2 completed.

This first blog I want to start off by noting that in my life, family is very important to me. When I saw that there was a course offered called Children, Youth and Families I was excited to take it.

I want my first blog to focus on: "What is a family?"  

In the first unit the notes mention that cultural anthropologists argue that "family" is universal. The unit continues on discussing Malinowski's opinion of the family unit that is based on "deep necessary dependence between a mother and a child." Past definitions of family discuss the family as nuclear.  

Taken from Wikipedia: The nuclear family or elementary family is a term used to define a family group consisting of a pair of adults and their children. Nuclear families typically center on a married couple; the nuclear family may have any number of children. The notes in unit one looked at another defition of the family…it is drawn from an old social anthropology text first published in 1963: “ The family is a social arrangement based on marriage and the marriage contract, including the recognition of the rights and duties of parenthood, common residence for husband, wife and children, and reciprocal obligations between husband and wife.”

(William N. Stephens The Family in Cross Cultural Perspective)

I disagree with all of these definitions. To be honest, I don’t think there is one set definition of what a family is. I don’t think family is limited to relatives either. I think a family can consist of friends as well. For example we have a friend of the family who lost his mother and who has some other personal issues with his father and brother and we consider part of our family. He is always present at all of our family functions such as family parties, birthdays, New Year ’s Eve, Thanksgivings and at Christmas. When he was younger he lived with us for a while on and off. We consider him part of our family.

I also don’t think that a family needs to be nuclear to be considered a family. Especially this day in age where there are so many different types of families: Nuclear, Single-Parent Families

Adoptive/Foster Families, Never-Married Families, Grandparents as Parents and Same-Sex Parent Families.

In her article Coontz discusses the transformation of marriage. This reminds me of the quote above by William Stephens and I disagree as well. I don’t think that marriage is part of what makes a family. A lot of people are choosing to have children, adopt children and still raise them without being married. A lot of people end up getting divorced and a family consists of extended step family members as well. All in all I think everyone has their own personal opinion on what makes a family depending on each individual story.