BLOG #4- Divorce

I have read quite a few of the other blogs on divorce and it is ironic because many people who chose to write their blogs about divorce come from divorced parents.  I was debating on what topic from the course I would choose to write my final blog on because my parents are still married…happily married. I still think however even though my parents are still together that my opinions on divorce as well as input on a happy marriage can make for an interesting blog.

I agree with some of my fellow students in that divorce can be a good thing if a marriage is causing dysfunction and fighting in the family. There are some examples even with some of my friends who say that growing up all they remember was arguing and fighting and sometimes even physical abuse. I believe that this can take a toll on the children in the family and divorcing in this example is appropriate. I also believe that some people get married too young and perhaps over time they change into two different people who are no longer happy so perhaps divorce then is appropriate.  

I also believe that way too many people get divorced too soon. My mom and dad for example have been married for 28 years they have been together for 33 years. I have seen them go through ups and downs in their marriage but they didn’t just give up. They worked hard at keeping the family together and they worked hard at compromising with each other. I find today many people give up too easily.

I have also seen struggles people go through to pay the other person off after they get divorced.  A close friend of mine got divorced and his wife was concerned with money. Her focus wasn’t on their child and how to make the family work still, she was concerned with how much money he made and how much money he is going to owe her. I feel like examples such as this are reasons why people are choosing not to get married at all. This real life example of a friend of mine reminded me of Erera’s study from the course. How many men feel a sense of powerlessness regarding their status, child support, and where they stand in the courts.  My friend was a hard-working man who owned his own house and provided for his son. He was going through so much drama with his ex and so much stress in the courts about custody.

I find more focus needs to be on children when it comes to divorce. Even reading some of the other blogs it is clear that for the most part when parents divorce it has a long term effect on the children. Whether there is hatred for the one parent, or not having a proper mother or father figure growing up. Or perhaps the truth about the divorce is hidden from the children until they are older. I believe keeping the children involved in the process of divorce and making sure that the children aren’t used is crucial for how divorce will affect them later on in life. 

BLOG #3- Children and Adoption

In our unit on adoption I found it interesting when Dubinsky critiques two of the dominant narratives that have characterized debates about transnational adoption. One she describes adoption as a "rescue" of a needy child, or two as a "kidnap" of a child by those who are more powerful and have the means to coerce children from their families. 

She argues that we should understand adoption first and foremost as a reproductive technology.

Adoption is a common thing in my family and with many of my friends. So first I have to say that I don’t necessarily agree with Dubinsky. I think that adoption is such a detailed topic that can be discussed that it all depends on the circumstance.

I often read in my other classes about the amount of children in foster care and in orphanages. Many children who are without families all over the world, even here in Canada! I don’t agree that adoption as “first and foremost” as a reproductive technology per-se. There are many families that can still have children that choose adoption to extend their love and support out to those children less fortunate. I wouldn’t refer to it as a “rescue.”

I also know personally how adoption is the only way to have a family when a couple is infertile. My cousin tried everything to get pregnant and she just couldn’t. I few years back her and her husband decided to adopt. The process was very detailed and took a very long time. The two boys were moved around a lot as babies from different foster parents. Their biological mother was too unstable to take care of them. My cousin and her husband have a wonderful life for these boys. They are doing well in school, they are in sports and ever since being brought to their new home they have called my cousin Mom. I find this so touching knowing that not only do these boys have a future with a family, they themselves have helped my cousin have a family J

A close friend of mine just met her half-sister. Years ago her mother had a child at the age of 16 and was too young to take care of her so she put her up for adoption. Her sister searched for her biological mother and recently both families met. Her adoptive parents also were infertile at the time and she was the best thing that ever happened to them. Now years later the sisters are close and the two families have come together during the birthdays and holidays.

When the article talks about Madonna and refers it as a "kidnap" of a child by those who are more powerful and have the means to coerce children from their families. Again I feel that it depends on the circumstance. Sometimes adoption can confuse children’s identity when taken away from their own cultures and traditions.  I believe that if a child is abandoned and not being taken care of then adoption from people from more well off countries is ok. However, I don’t think that a child should be ripped away from their families by the choice of people with higher power.